Here, I was celebrating the marriage of two wonderful and dear friends. Two years, a child and lots of adjustments and compromises had not made mine work. In fact it had gotten worse. It is strange how you see reality in the most unlikely of places, it is strange how the truth hits you when you least expect it. I wasn’t knowingly thinking about my life, but suddenly I got some perspective on what my life should be, and I wasn’t even close to living a decent life forget about an ideal one.
I wondered about a lot of things that day, I thought about a lot of instances, and all the lies and excuses I had been told. More than anything I thought a lot about my almost year old son. What did he need in life, what did he deserve? Right now he was set up for getting a life time of setbacks and discouragements. Then the pertinent question was should he be forever disappointed? Could I change this situation for both him and me?
I could, decide with a bold step to change my life, to change the life of my son. It would be hard, it would be difficult, but it would be a happier life. That is when I turned to my family, my parents to see if I could find the encouragement and answers there. That is when I realised I had the most supportive family around. A quick discussion and I had their full support for my decision.
The next day I walked out of that life, and that Marriage. I carried a lot of baggage, but it got sorted soon enough. Some of it found space in the many closets of my parent’s house, and some of it in the garbage bags. I decided to move on; some thought I did too quickly, some thought too slowly. I was judged for everything I did. I had this emotional baggage and needed to vent.
I started writing, the only thing I knew how to do well, the only thing I had confidence in doing. This all was two years back. And as I look back now, I think I did well. My son is happy, I am happy. I live a life that is full of the things and people I love, and admire. I do the things I love to do, and I think I do them well. I work, and I write. I have finally built a life with my son.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had not decided to change anything that day. What would have happened had I been afraid?Would I have had such a fulfilling life? Would I have been doing what I love? Would my son be a happy & healthy child? It is difficult to judge what change can do to your status quo, but if you don’t try it, you will never know.
Next big change is to get out of my parents house and create a space in this world of my own. I am sure Housing.com (https://housing.com/) would help me there and be as supportive as my parents have been till today.