Don't Judge Me

Jaibala/ April 28, 2015/ Musings/ 27 comments

Being a mother automatically puts you under a lot of scrutiny. Add to that the fact that you are a single Mother and you find yourself like a microbe under an electron microscope, every move and action under HD scrutiny. You feel like your life is a 70 MM movie and the only lot of people you know are your critics.


When I was pregnant soon after marriage, I went for the first test all alone. With no one accompanying me, I was subject to a lot of stares from the staff of the lab. I guess the lab tech sensed something wrong, and eventually after a lot of small talk managed to ask me the real question she wanted to ask. “Do you want to keep it?” Years of experience might have made it easy for her to read people, or maybe it was just sheer coincidence. But it was a valid question and I believe it made me sure about the change to come. With a shamble called a marriage and no one to ask for help, was I capable of handling this responsibility all by myself? But when I answered “Yes” in a heartbeat, I was as confident then as I am now, that it was the best decision I ever made.


Soon I became a parent, a mother. Even before my marriage could crash and burn, I was his only parent. But the legal paper I was bound to made it difficult for anyone to see that I was alone. And no one saw the same hardships then, because, well I was married. I was raising the boy single handedly then, that too in a hostile environment. We did not have a kind word, or a helping hand, we never got a smile, so wasn’t I a Single Mother even then?


I decided that my son does not need hostility to grow up, I decided that he needs smiles and love and joy around him. I decided that he needs to be around people that genuinely want him around. I decided to end the legal bindings, or should I call them shackles that were tying us down. I decided after considering all the factors involved, and deducing all the eventualities possible. I decided to walk out, with him. I decided that we need to be happy. I chose to move out and move on.


At first I heard a lot of, “but it sure is hard raising him without a father, He needs a father”. Or worse yet some called him a liability – a wrong decision. To those people who don’t get it I have this to say, He is the reason I have a life. So, stop! Just stop making him what is wrong with my life. If it were not for him, I would have not wanted to live and breathe freely. I was happy taking abuse in the name of conforming to societal norms, with the hope that one day things will change. He made me realise that I have to be the change I wanted to see in my life. He was a catalyst in the turn of event that eventually led me to a life that was unfettered and independent. I know I am being judged at every point and mostly everything I do is just termed as wrong, but following my heart and pursuing my dreams, trying to strive to get better everyday are all the qualities I learnt from my Son. I call him my inspiration, my reason, my strength; he is all that and so much more.


Today he is happy healthy and does not miss what he never had, and people still don’t get it? Yes it is hard, but not for the reasons you think. It is hard work because it means I am spending double the time with him, double the effort. But it is also double the joy and love – Unmatched Unequivocal Love.  Neither one of us is alone, or unhappy. We have a home to live, and a family that loves us. Our life is full of people who are happy to be around us. Friends I can count on, Family that loves me, what more can I ask for?


And to anyone who wants to be a part of my life in whatever capacity understand this. I really get why you are concerned. But you never had to stand where I did, nor have you faced what I have. So stop judging and trying to tell me what is right. People who are truly happy to have me in their life know, realise and appreciate me for who I am and the people who matter to me. And those who are in a similar situation I expect understanding, not some sort of unreasonable argument. No my Son is not a liability. He is my responsibility, my biggest one. And there in lies the difference. He isn’t a decision I regret, or a problem. He is a part of my identity and who I am. I am a better person because of him. He completes my life and makes everything worth it. He is the reason I exist. He is the reason I am doing what I love and doing it so well. He is my confidence and my pride and joy. He gives me the most important thing in Life – He gives me hope   – a hope not just for a future but a better life.



About Jaibala

Academically a Microbiologist, I am a Web Columnist for popular magazines and websites, Freelance Writer and a Blogger. Words define me and writing and reading compete to be the love of my life. My biggest belief is that there is something good in everything and I always looks to highlight the best in things. Creative writing is my forte.You can reach me by dropping a mail at


  1. Everything that happens, happens for good..You did the right thing by walking out for yourself and for S..
    Proud of you and truly admire you for who you are! Stay blessed!

    1. Parul Thank you so much. And its true that everything happens for a reason and for the ultimate good. 🙂

  2. Breaking free of those shackles was the best thing to do, and if the baby gave you the strenght to do that, then god bless that baby and u. And the people….? What people? Who cares?

    1. True that breaking free was the best thing for me and the baby. Yet people have this annoying way of breaking through the calm. Thanks so much 🙂

  3. Jaibala, I think it is with great conviction and strength you are steering your life in the right direction.
    I think talking and giving advice is the favorite pass time for people. Your actions are salute worthy. I have seen too many women just existing and not living. My favorite quote “be the change you want to see”. You did all this and more.
    Keep shining. Judging is so easy so just ignore.

    1. Inderpreet, big tight hugs. I agree about conviction steering your life in the right direction, its just aimless floating till then. Thank you so much 🙂

  4. is that happened to you? if yes..then hats off to your way of thinking and actions,really great and inspiring one for others,i feel very sad and bad for what you had faced, but its not my “Sympathy” for you,but its a tons of love towards a true person like you..

    1. Yes it is a true story. And thank you for all the positivity. 🙂

  5. Jai, a big hug to you. Proud of you dear. 😍😘 Don’t you care about these irritating insensitive imbecile idiots. If you have a job, they judge you. “She leaves the poor child in a creche” If you stay at home, they judge you. “What is the use of all that education?” Don’t listen to them. Keep following your heart. These people have only one problem – they cannot bear to see that others are content and happy with their life. To hell with them 😛:)

    1. Yes I guess they need you to conform to their idea of happiness. And if you don’t it is very difficult for them to realise that you are happy. Thanks Archana <3

  6. Ignore those people – they judge, without even knowing what they’re judging about. You and S deserve only the happiness, and who are they to judge??? You made the right decision, Jai. Keep smiling, because you’ve to smile, for S to smile. Loads of Love…

    1. Fathi <3 true they do. Lots of love to you too.

  7. I have spent my formative years in Mumbai, and the best part about the city was that it was hands off. I loved it that people minded their own business. I actually reveled in that. Even now, I don’t interfere in others’ lives and expect the same from them. But, it is also a reality that no matter who you are — single, married, with kids, without kids, divorced… there are always folks who have something to say about that. They also have a lot to say about your looks, your dress and so on. Don’t let it get to you. Concentrate on doing what you think is best. And only care about people who matter. The rest will continue barking.

    1. I know Rachana, and I generally ignore. But something about hearing “your son” and “liability” in the same sentence was dishartening. It is weird how they view the same situation differently based on a martial status.

  8. Jai you know what am abt to say, bt then have to say this again… we r proud of u dear…

    1. Arj….I know Thanks 🙂

  9. lots of love and more power to you Jai!!! <3

  10. I’m sure you’re strong enough ro handle such insensitive lot. But I woukd still like to repeat. You’re a very strong lady. Stay the same. S knows you, understands you and loves you. That’s all that matters. Keep faith in yourself. These people were not there with you in your troubles and they do not have a right to be a part of your life or to judge you. Take care and stsy positive.

    1. Thanks Rekha. My biggest strength is in the fact that S knows how much he means to me. And in the end it is all that matters 🙂

  11. Jai, you are right. Being judgemental is so easy, isnt it? Well, kids need love- doesn’t matter from whom it comes from. If a parent is not capable of loving his child, he will not be missed. Children do not miss people, they miss the emotions, love, compassion. Cheers my lady!

    1. Arpita such a smiple thing becomes so unfathomable for some people. Thanks <3

  12. S has a WM he’s proud of. And anyone who can’t understand the love between the two of you doesn’t deserve any attention. Not a word, let alone a post.

    1. Vins 🙂 I am as proud of him as he is of me 🙂

      1. Good. 🙂 Nahi to last April ka repeat karna padta 😉 😛

  13. I’m going to keep my comment short. Respect, Jaibala. For what you do, whatever you’ve done and whatever you’re going to do.
    Shubhya is in good hands. And like the image 🙂

    1. Sid thanks 🙂 and you know where I got the inspiration for the image from

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