“Believe in yourself. If you don’t then no one will”
So many times I have heard this statement, and it is true except for one fact disappointment, failure, discouragement all are a part of life. Doubt creeps up on me like my shadow would; it is always there sometimes big, sometimes small. And sometimes people around me mostly add fuel to the fire. All this leads to fear. To me fear is second nature, and I have feared everything. I have achieved all the goals I set for myself last year and that should actually make me pretty happy, right! But not me, once I hit the finish line, I became more critical, judgmental and doubtful.
And then I got called a fluke and lucky, and all the while I thought I was winning. It was as if my achievements did not matter at all. And eventually I realised that the truth with most people, they fear the consequences of winning more than losing. Winners are looked at differently, and expectations out of them are different. I did not want to win. And I slowly started telling myself that I cannot do it. The end result was a loss of confidence and mostly an untried task, something that fails before even starting. Shattered hopes and a broken confidence are also added to the mix, because truth be told, even if you fail, having tried to make your dreams come true makes you more confident and more poised toward succeeding the next time you try.The truth is difficult to remember when you are down and at the worst Click To Tweet
But all this truth is difficult to remember when you are down and at the worst. We all have our moments of despair and that is what will lead us to our fifteen minutes of fame. Because nothing in life is ever permanent! So how did I get up and move on toward that good that is waiting for me. How do I believe when it seems like nothing or no one wants me to?
Having a clear picture is half your battle won. It won’t let you go off track and will never let others drag you down. I must confess though, this is the hardest step. It is so easy to get distracted, to believe what others say and to just not make up your mind and end up confused. The more confused you are the more it is easier for you to lose perspective. I have been there; sometimes I still feel I am back there. But then I take a break and I write down what I want my ideal life to be.
I take time to understand what I feel and why I feel like this. Is it fear, anxiousness, intuition or just a block? Is it because of who is saying the negative stuff, or is it because I don’t really want to do it? Knowing the difference between good intuition and bad intuition helps a lot. Following something that your gut tells you to follow will always lead to good results and vice versa. Know the difference between the feelings that tell you to stop or go.
Sometimes I feel the way I do more because I ensure that people judge me. No really! The more I judge myself, the more people will. I learnt to be confident and happy by stopping the one thing I do most often – Self criticism and self judgement; at least for the most part. I believe that when I am at my worst moments of self doubt, there are only two people who can help. One is me; I can obviously help myself and do better when it comes to being self deprecating, and the other is the people that get you.
Yes everyone won’t understand your ideas, your dreams and your struggles, but there will be a small group of champions. Call them whatever you like your Posse, Mastermind or just simply friends you cannot live without and they will be there to lift you up when you are down. I have a very very small group of people who get me and I share with. They are my rock solid strength when I am weak and my corrector when I falter and the ones that raise me up when I fall. We share passion, and dreams and we nourish each others. Agree or disagree we are there for each other. Find your tribe, that is the best way to survive the negativity.
(You can get in on my tribe. Just join the conversations here.)
Another important lesson I learnt is stop trying to explain myself. Just stop, it never ever works.
So the parameters on which I judge whether a thing is worth doing is:
- Whether I can picture it in my perfect world and what my intuition says about it
- Whether I need to justify or explain myself and my choice and to whom
- Whether I will regret not doing it
Yes regret!You never regret your failures; you always regret the unsaid and the undone Click To Tweet
Because life is too short to regret the thing you haven’t done. You never regret your failures; you always regret the unsaid and the undone. I have spent 30 odd years regretting the choices I didn’t make. Much like a lot of people who choose plan B, and somewhere deep inside them lives a little bit of regret. I grew up on regret and I don’t want my son to regret the choices I didn’t make. I want him to know a life that is full of purpose, passion and dreams. He is my purpose, writing my passion and my dreams aren’t a clear picture yet, but I am getting there.
Whatever happens Don’t stop Believing in yourself and your dreams.