I can’t imagine the number of times I have said “I wish she was here” in the days after she left me. The “she” I am referring to being my Naani, who I have written about before (Read the post here). To say I miss her will be an understatement. Every time I look at my half made knitted bag, or the numerous crafts projects, I think of her. I just wish she was here.
I remember every time I fell, she was standing right there to pick me up, but never broke my fall. I always wondered why she did not catch me but then I realised that my mistakes were mine to make, not hers to stop.
Today when I whine, I think of her. Did she not do it all alone? Was she not strong enough, to handle it? Hers was a far worse time, and people advised her to not aim high for her children. She just proved them all wrong. How did she do it I wonder?
With the same 24 hours in a day, she managed to do all alone what most of us fail to do even with help. She did make her own mistakes, and let others err too. It was her belief to live and let live and she followed that maxim all her life, even in her very last moments.
I just wish that she was here to say “Go, do what you want to do. Take your time and make your choice, and remember once you make your decision win or lose, falter or succeed, be proud, stand tall, cause that is what you managed to achieve or learn on your own. Don’t give up cause you think you will not win, just don’t give up. Your dreams are worth it.”
How do I know she would say this, simple that is because this is exactly how she lived her life, with her own rules, on her own terms, in her own way. Still on some days I just wish she was here to hug me and tell me all that herself.