NaPoWriMo: Betrayal

Jaibala/ April 5, 2014/ Poetry/ 29 comments

Oh the prompt today for NaPoWriMo had me in.  ” A lune is a sort of English-language variation on the haiku, meant to better render the tone of the Japanese haiku than the standard 5-7-5 format we all learned (and maybe loved) in elementary school. There are a couple of variants on the lune form, but just to keep things simple, let’s try the version developed by Jack Collum. His version of the lune involves a three-line stanza. The first line has three words. The second line has five, and the third line has three. You can write a poem that consists of just one stanza, or link many lune-stanzas together into a unified poem. Happy writing! ” A Lune. I had never written such a short poem like ever before. So here goes my first ever attempt at a Lune.


Lord__s_Prayer___Kirito_x_Kohta_by_loonylucifer

Photo Credit Loonylucifer at Devianart

BETRAYAL

The baby wailed,

Broken and battered she lay,

He walked away.


Listed below are my fellow NaPoWriMo Participants –

http://njsays.wordpress.com/ – Nirmal

http://juztamom.blogspot.in/ – Sfurti

http://janakinagraj.com/  – Janaki

http://poojashridhar.blogspot.in/ – Pooja

http://andiwrite.com/ – count

http://whilethecoffeebrews.blogspot.in/ –  Naina

http://ponderingtwo.blogspot.in/ – Rohan

http://advkaranshah.blogspot.in/ – Karan

http://www.rinzurajan.blogspot.in/ – Rinzu

http://artofleo.wordpress.com/blog/ – Vinay

http://eccentriccontemplations.wordpress.com/  – Nithya

http://viewsofpreethib.wordpress.com/ – Preeti

About Jaibala

Academically a Microbiologist, I am a Web Columnist for popular magazines and websites, Freelance Writer and a Blogger. Words define me and writing and reading compete to be the love of my life. My biggest belief is that there is something good in everything and I always looks to highlight the best in things. Creative writing is my forte.You can reach me by dropping a mail at contact@jaibalarao.com

29 Comments

  1. Lovely lovely lovely… I guess it’s your first attempt and you have nailed it!! 🙂

    Heart wrenching three lines…

    1. My heart stopped at the words “Nailed It” thanks Rohan 🙂

    1. Thanks Pooja….thanks a ton

  2. its too painful… i don like it!! makes me sad!! 🙁

    1. Sorry Baby Sis…will write happier ones 🙂

  3. It’s your First Try Jai and you nailed it 🙂 Awesome Awesome write jai 🙂 <3

    1. Thank you preeths 🙂

  4. Trust me Jai, it doesn’t look like the first attempt. 🙂

    1. Seriously it is….but thank you so much 🙂

    1. Thanks Janaki….

  5. 🙂 Powerful and explosive.

    1. Thank you Nirmal 🙂

    1. It is sad….promise tomorrow wala wont be sad

  6. that was very strongly worded, three characters in three lines – commendable!!

    1. Thank you thank you…..this means so much 🙂

  7. Wow! Pretty good first attempt!

    1. Thank you Roshni 🙂

  8. Wow Jai… awesome is an understatement

    1. Thanks Niths 🙂

  9. I belong to a writing group and there were some members who did Haiku. I could never get down.
    Thanks for stopping by and coffee is on

    1. A friend told me that it is easy….I dont think so but still it is my first attempt

  10. I have never attempted a Haiku and just commented somewhere yesterday how I want to learn. Should it rhyme? Here’s a try
    I wanted to learn Haiku,
    I never tried,
    Your words make me strive.
    *embarrassed

    1. Anuradha its my first attempt too….and no it doesn’t have to rhyme…..and this is the sister of Haiku…..she is called a Lune…..which I am hoping I got right 🙂

    2. And I loved your attempt at it 🙂

  11. For a moment I wondered why the baby was broken and battered. Then realized the three lines were different characters. Baby, mom and dad.

    Interesting, but still sad verse.

    1. Its a sad but a true verse…such things happen day in and day out 🙂

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