I have struggled so much in 2019. And all of it can be attributed to one word. “Loyal”. I have been called Loyal and disloyal and everything in between those two words. And so I did the simple thing. I looked up the meaning of the word.
the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.
faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.
an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.
Now that is how the dictionary defines loyalty. So does loyalty mean never questioning the friend you are supposed to be loyal to? Supporting the wrong doing and the bad judgements and never calling out their mistakes. Which person in their right mind will stand by wrong , knowing it is wrong.
And so I did the next best thing I looked up the meaning of the word loyal
faithful to one’s sovereign, government, or state: a loyal subject.
faithful to one’s oath, commitments, or obligations: to be loyal to a vow.
faithful to any leader, party, or cause, or to any person or thing conceived as deserving fidelity: a loyal friend.
characterized by or showing faithfulness to commitments, vows, allegiance, obligations, etc.: loyal conduct.
Now you see the dictionary is looking at things very simplified. What if two friends are working on similar projects separately and one friend gets success but the other doesn’t. What will the loyal friend in you do? Wont you celebrate the success and hard work of one. But then does that make you disloyal to the unsuccessful friend?
I have also seen loyalty being used as the reason to make friends do whatever is needed to be done – sahi galat be damned. Here is a food for thought :
“Even dictators and salve drivers commanded loyalty.”
Also the meaning says “deserving” now as people and circumstances grow and change can’t the data that determines deserving change. And if a person is no longer deserving…then are you being a disloyal friend to that person as you change your loyalties?
Also somewhere in being loyal I think we forget about ourselves.
I realised that human emotions are so much more complicated than dictionary meaning. And the word Loyal does not work when we talk about relationships because there can never be unquestioning loyalty when emotions are ever changing. I think the better words to use are trust, love, cherish, respect.
I have decided to replace loyal with a simpler word in my life Faith. Faith that I will always be true to myself and my emotions at any given point in my life. Faith that I will be able to call out and not stand by anything or anyone that goes against my principles and my life’s purpose. Faith that I know the difference between right and wrong at any given point in life and hence be able to chose what s right for me always and never regret my decisions.
Faith that whenever I choose myself over anyone or anything I am not being disloyal, I am just being true to me. I guess the moment that I replaced Loyalty with Faith, I am in a much better mental space and I haven’t struggled with my decisions as much.
We all need faith in our lives and faith is what I am going to live by.Jaibala Rao
Like I said before 2019 has been a bit of a struggle and another word I have learnt this year, that I will carry into 2020 is Mindful. Being mindful in every aspect of my life, is going to be my new lifestyle for the year.
Now I was wondering if faith and mindfulness go separately or hand in hand. And I decided that I needed to be mindful about my faith too. And so 2020 is going to be the year of MINDFUL FAITH. What exactly it defines I don’t know. I am going to figure this journey out as I move along. I don’t know if this is going make my life easier, but I know this is going to be a new experience, one that I will be happy to share with all of you. Yes, I am going to be mindful about my writing too.
So looking forward to 2020 and a new category on my blog…maybe!Tweet